All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
