Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
