my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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