you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
