You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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