we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
did i walk over a car last night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
