I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
