a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
