Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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