it hurts more in the daytime
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
