I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize