That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
