respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
