Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
