Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
