I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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