At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
