Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
two words...techno handjob
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
