The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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