Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
