I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
