Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
