It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
