sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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