ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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