no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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