I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
