I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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