Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
