Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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