cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
