So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize