census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
