I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
even my farts smell like vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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