I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
