She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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