You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize