This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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