11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I believe in your delicious
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
