This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
