if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
