If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize