i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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