did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
