loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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