tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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