I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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