Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
