Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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