you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
