Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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